December 31st, 2050
A hefty and an almost 6-footer in blue denim and a pitch black T marches into the welcoming arms of the cold air coming from the Chennai mall. Reclining onto the couch and scratching his well-shaped white beard, he opens his holographic palmtop that glistens in the yellow LEDs. Stirring his cold cappuccino, he surfs through the news-feed in facebook. A thought clogs his mind and for the first time in his life, he changes his relationship status from “complicated” to “committed”. Immediately, the voice notification pops out with the comment “machi adhukullaya :-o :-o:-o?!”. His thoughts plummet into the pool of memories of his college days, into the banters, into the entices, into the year when he was popular, the year when he was a playboy, the year when he was the center of attraction and the same year when he left Samar.
December 2012
My blokes call me Tittu, a few close ones yell with even shorter versions, it was all because my parents decided to name their only son as Tittu Joseph. Finally entering into the final tortured semester of my engineering in a prestigious college, where only memory managers thrive, life would have never been better without these same classmates. They had the best cache memory that would store large volumes of data as and when the teachers teach, as well as on days before their exams when they eat, sleep and even roam into their toilets with books. Yet they found time to teach and help students like me at such crunch situations. Among such adepts, I found one similar friend of mine who matched my frequency. As the proverb goes- "Birds of the same feather, flock together”, we flocked together in a 1 and half hours journey to our college every day. Between the period of 6.55am to 8.25am we would have our breakfasts, drooling at all the types of girls of all ranges, talk about the gossips on college mates and finally decide to have a lil nap as the bus closes in at our stop. He was the man whose sleeping talent was adored by many. He would sit and sleep like a statue with complete concentration, so much so that even the ladies’ vociferous screeches would never affect his nap. But at times, he pretends to sleep (which only I can decipher), the same old classic trend, to evade from people. Samar………. My college mate, my class mate and then he had become my best buddy.
Every single day, he would shamble across the main road to reach the stop, including days when we would possibly be reaching about half an hour late even if we board the next bus and run all the way from bus stop to the door step of our class room. One similar day, he walked so slowly with the irritating sound of brushing of his slippers (one main reason why he changes his slippers every 6 months as they get torn out so quickly). Looking at my unfocussed eyes, he asked “Dude wassup, full night studies uh?” The previous night was a Sunday. Who studies on Sundays? And ya, that was him who would ask irritating moot questions which I would never have done. Those are questions to be ignored, yet his tone tempts me to answer back with a “HELL NO” and I do it. I do it every single day.
I said “HELL NO. Man, I was just thinking, this is our final year, but still I don’t have any girlfriend. So, I have decided to take a resolution to find my girl by 31st of this month.”
Samar smiled crookedly. “Hey come on man, you are the playboy of our college. Also, you are the top-rated handsome guy in our college. Girls would automatically come in search of you.” The bitter truth was that the ranking was put up by the most hideous-looking girls in our college and yet he would continue this paradigm every single time I talk about girls.
My fuming hand was about to thump onto his cheeks; suddenly I was lurched by a glimmer of white hope flashing my sight in the bus. Her glistening half oily face, her frameless spectacles and the wet free-hair were elements that made me quantify her ‘sexy’. At that moment, I knew my resolution was going to come to life right away with half the battle won, which was finding the right girl. Just then I remembered that my hand was still in air and was about to contort his face but somehow I managed to nudge his cheeks and hint a smile. She noticed the liability and smirked. She then inched slowly and furtively near me amongst the huge crowd. I was nervous and finally I spoke- “Please pass on 2 tickets to Chrompet.”
As she was ready to oblige, the driver slammed on the brakes. My bad luck, I was holding onto a rod in the bus but my friend wasn’t. Samar too slammed, but on a girl, not any other girl, but MY girl, the girl whom I thought was the solution to my resolution. Both of them apologized, and my bad, she was inches away from me, yet in front of me. I started to hate physics from that moment. If it had been any other guy I would have slammed my fist on his face the instant he slammed on her but my bad, he happened to be my bloke and I seemed like a mere joke. I still wasn’t angry on him but his words made me so “Don’t worry dude, I did it only for your GOOD”!
Next day I ran in and boarded the moving bus to get a seat. Samar, as usual, boarded two seconds later, giving me the privilege or the ordeal of finding a seat for both of us. Unfortunately, we had to stand that day and fortunately, I found my resolution girl sitting adjacent to us. Her scent started to instigate my feelings, her presence took me to a duet song in Kashmir but instantly Samar’s cold staring eyes and numb looks with no expression on his face (his normal expression) cracked my thoughts back into the bus.
This time, Samar was holding onto a rod and I felt a wave of happiness. Samar gave his bag to an elder man sitting nearby and he gave a cold stare in return, as if he was Chinese and that he never understood what Samar requested. Samar turned away from me with his bag in his hand and was looking at that girl. Her single sentence to Samar jolted me “Give me the bag bro”. As usual it was hard to read Samar’s expression, but for me it was like a gush of cold water being poured on my burning heart. At once I felt relieved. But then Samar’s one sentence made me wish I never had such a friend and that was “Dude, she is asking your bag”. At once, I cursed the elder man!!
I saw her and she said “Ya ok, give me both of your bags bros”. She didn’t call me brother, but Samar made her to. Now I know that she is not my resolution girl and he is not going to help at all.
lady love 1 INTO SMOKES!!!!!!!
Months later, our class secretary asked me to give the welcome speech for our department symposium and he asked me to choose a girl to accompany me. As my first lady love did no good to me and my resolution, I had to find new chicks. Suddenly, I found my future in the offing when my thoughts clinged to the first year Mallu girl, whom I had rescued when she was ragged by my friends. I had made an impression, so I was convinced that this attempt would work out. Immediately, I blurted her name out - “Paari” - in a shrieking excited voice, and all my friends started to shake their heads like the traditional Thanjavur dolls, grasping my intentions.
Immediately, I heard a voice behind me “This time I will surely help you dude”. It was Samar.
Paari and I were sitting close to each other, discussing about the speech. Though I was happy sitting close to her, I was focusing on the speech. After ten minutes, the whole department started to chit-chat about our combo.
Samar rushed into the room and whispered "Ceremony would start in 10 minutes, gear up." He gave a good stare at both of us, and with an innocent smile, he said “You two look great together, just like a pair”. I was smiling inside, proud of my friend, until Paari said
“Yes, just like brother-sister”.
Samar, without any expression, replied "A good looking brother-sister."
She blushed slightly, while I crushed the paper fuming yet meticulously in my hand, without giving her the room to notice. If he had walked back without giving his futile comments, I would have at least lived in my fantasies but now
lady love 2 WAS INTO SMOKES AS WELL!!!
As soon as he left, Paari turned and asked me “What's up next, bro?”. I felt a rage rising against Samar.
After giving the welcoming note, I was sitting alone outside the hall, dejected. Just then a girl came and spoke to me. I would rank here 4th from the bottom, on her looks.
She said “I was mesmerized with your speech and your looks. I couldn’t take my eyes off you even for a moment and I think I LO__ _”
“STOP IT” a shrill voice echoed our ears.
The least I could expect was to hear those three words from such a girl and there he was, at the right moment, at the right timing, at the right place, all to my bad luck. Yes it was him... SAMAR!!!!
Embarrassed at what had happened, she left the hall. Still, I wasn't angry on him but his words made me so- “Don’t worry dude, I did it only for your GOOD!”
MY ALMOST-lady love 3 INTO SMOKES AS WELL!!!!!
The year was about to end. My resolution was unfulfilled, still, I was never moaning for all the mishaps. My only worry was THE CAUSE. My only regret was having Samar as my friend. I had got five, not proposals, but five raaki from the five girls whom I was seeing the entire year and that bro-sis relationship occurred just because of my friend. Only then I had learned that whenever he sat expressionless, he was actually blissful. The very same expression he gives whenever a girl calls me bro.
Years passed, we departed, yet his curse kept kicking my ass. Never had I got an opportunity for a tryst with a gorgeous lady. Life had become so empty. I never found a girl after my college days. That was when I gave up on my luck of finding a girl by myself and took a bold decision to become a father rather than to be a brother to all girls, because to become this “father”, I dint need a girl but just a long white robe. I was heading towards ST.Xaviers Church.
December 31st, 2016
I was performing a prayer when a sister told me that a couple has come to get blessings from me. They knelt down and I blessed them, but as they stood up I was shocked to see a familiar face filled with a lot of facial hair. It was my old FAITHFUL pal SAMAR, and a flawless face next to him-
PAARI !!!!!!
The man who never let me get a girl, the man who was responsible for this white robe, was standing right beside me with a beautiful girl. His would-be now was my would-have-been!!!!!!
He said “Father, and my best friend, thanks for blessing us".
I replied “Live long my best friend”, as tears welled up in my eyes experiencing this outright atrocity.
He replied in a condescending tone “It is fine my friend. I can understand your tears of joy. I can understand you are so happy for us!!!!”
This time I was extremely ferocious, still he uttered the paradigm “Whatever I did, I did it only for you!” I was a father and so I had to savior my emotions for the right moment.
Years rolled through as a sudden “bling” of a ‘notification’ brought me back from my past. Today I had changed my status because of a special reason. A nun had turned up at my church last morning. She was my old glistening half oily faced girl. My first lady love!!! I knew I had given up all worldly pleasures to attain this celibacy but her presence reeled me back to my old memories. I was just happy to receive her at my church and wished her for a new beginning. I was extremely happy with her presence.
The notification was from Samar, posting the second comment “Dude, tell me who that girl is. I will definitely help you”.
Staring at it, I posted “Committed to my preaching”.
